Saturday, 28 December 2013

Testing Out...

So a few weeks back me and a friend had a day out in London to meet a photographer who wanted to shoot me. 
It all came about when I applied for Suicide Girls, which I am yet to finish the whole process as you need a 'full set' to become a 'hopeful'. A photographer from SG saw my application and contacted me asking if I would like to do a shoot in London when she comes to visit for a month. I jumped at the chance to work with her after checking out her blog. I decided it would be a fun experience and would also help me realise if this is something I really want to get into or not. So I set a date with her meeting in a London hotel and said I wanted my pictures to be something similar to what you see on SG and FRONT; as I collect the magazine which made it easy for me to show her what I wanted to achieve and as a little bit of inspiration.
I had never done anything like this before so I was extremely nervous! But as we got further into it I was having so much fun! We played music which helped me relax and having my friend there helped my confidence. I found the confidence to do a few topless ones but as I don't have any fully nude, I unfortunately can't use them as a full set for my SG profile.

So here are a few of the shots. Decided not to post the topless ones as I want to keep them for professional people interested in shooting/working together. Really hope to get into this professionally at some point in the near future!



Thursday, 7 November 2013

Dear Diary...

So today it took me 5 hours to get out of bed, which is not normal for me. Normally I'm up at 7/half 7 each morning to head to a full day of work which I love! Due to shitty circumstances I was signed off work on Monday for 10 days. So now I am going out of my mind BORED! I ended up heading to town to pop into work and say hi but ended up having a horrible anxiety attack in the middle of town causing me to look like a right fruit loop crying and struggling to breathe aha! I know I have life so much easier than most; I know my problems are nothing compared to others. I know I've turned them into issues in my own mind. I know I need to get out of this mindset because I'm just making myself ill and making myself depressed and I know it's a horrible cycle I've created for myself but I can't help but think like this. I do not see the point in anything. Been signed off work because getting myself upset and stressed has caused my skin to go crazy and my eczema has got so bad I cannot move my fingers on my left hand meaning I cannot work. I hate that I've let a break up cause me to open up all my problems I've spent years getting over and made myself feel like this shit person again. I have had horrible relationships and I finally had a good one yet I couldn't even keep hold of him. The guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with doesn't want me and I can't change that. You can't force someone to love you or be with you. You can't make them stay. No one will stay if they don't want to and I've learnt that with friends and family. Everyone that I get close to leaves. Everyone. I just hate that feeling like the most horrible girl to exist. What is so wrong with me that everyone wants to leave. I had counselling a couple years back to help me get over all my issues that made me down and anxious and now because I've let what a guy wanted to do affect me so much in my own head I've made myself feel like absolute shit. I keep going round in my head to think about what I have done wrong to make people/guys run a mile. I know 'I need to love myself before someone can love me' but it's fucking hard when as soon as something looks up for you something/someone comes along and shits all over it. Hence why I am a negative person. Nothing goes right for long. I know if I want to be happy I need to think more positive but it's fucking hard! I just want to give up. Yes I love my family, I love my job, I love that I finally have my own space by moving into my own flat but I honestly feel like I have no reason to be here. Someone could live my life so much better than me. I wish I could just give my body to someone that's in need of it. Someone who actually wants a life. To be honest I just want to sleep forever and be up there in dream land with my Dad. I've had enough of spending everyday faking a smile. 
I just want to sleep now.

Fingers crossed things look up soon.


Monday, 30 September 2013



So I have decided to take up this whole blogging thing! I'm thinking it'll be something fun to do in my spare time, especially as there isn't much to do now summer is gone and autumn is officially here! This blog is going to be a whole mix of things really, most probably hair, fashion, beauty and tattoo related as those are what I'm most into right now. Just to let you know I also do youtube every now and again. I don't upload/post as often as most youtubers and bloggers as I work full time and if I'm not in a good mood I'm more than likely not going to film/post as it wouldn't have my full heart in it! 

So here goes my first post!

If you follow me on tumblrtwitter or instagram (all OhSammiii) you will know that this month I was in FRONTS September issue! I absolutely love this magazine as it features all the things I love, tattoos, semi naked girls along other things. I sent my pictures that I took myself into their ALT DIY part as that's the only way to get featured. It was a month before I heard back as I guess they get a lot of entries and they sent my a questionnaire to fill out which had some rather interesting choice of questions haha!
I've also now decided to sign up to Suicide Girls as I got some rather good feedback from my pictures being featured, just need to finish their long application process aha.

Here are my pictures I sent in and a twitpic I received when the magazine came on sale!